are we both just gasping for air?

maybe we’ve been under for too long

that all we need is simply air

all we need, is to catch a breath.

the older I get, the more I realise that sometimes, two people are meant to be together only for a certain time, in a specific phase of your life. 

Each and everyone taught you a different kind of love that allows you to be the person that you are today. It sucked so bad at the time, but when you look back, you smile. You felt like you couldn’t last a day without them, but you lasted 5 years without him. You thought you could never laugh with him anymore, but 3 years in and you’re still joking with each other. Of course, there are others that passed by for a short minute. And just like that, they are your short minute. They hurt for a short minute, and you’re fine just like that. 

As I look back, I realise that they taught me different things. He taught me my first heartbreak, my first love, and also to let go. On the other hand, he taught me how to love my best friend, it taught me how to see the world deeper than its surface value, it taught me that being friends is possible, even after all the drama. 

Currently, I am in a place where I have to learn all these things at once. I have to break my heart again, in a way that it was never broken before. I have to learn the hard truth that the world isn’t always fair, kind, and good. I have to learn how to forgive, over and over. I have to learn, that, I, too, have to grow up. I learned to love him as my friend, my lover. I learn to understand that bruises of the past is going to haunt you for life. By far, it’s the hardest one. What it hasn’t taught me well was how to forget and how to let go. In this relationship, I realize that you can’t change people for their sake. You have to want to change. And I realize that despite the drama, we might still love each other. Only, we are too broken, to love each other correctly. 

I don’t know if you’re only here for the season, or for the rest of my life to keep learning something new. 

you have the heart of stone, you have a heart that’s inflamed

you throw rocks at people you love,

the only thing you know

you,

look for fire to feel less burned

only to find out it turned you into ashes

you,

look for cold water to stop the pain

only to find out it numbs you

you,

find a hand to hold, one to keep you safe and sound

only to find out it’s monotonous

so, i, gathered all the rocks and built a castle

only to see it crumbling down

all because i forgot,

that all i ever was, was to keep you safe

what a cruel thing it is, for the world to decide that there are either victims or assailant

why are people not both?

When it comes to this, I still can’t lose you.

I have my grip so tight on you that I forgot how it was to let my hand free.

We both hold on tight to nothing and to everything that we ended up hurting each other.

Trying to lift up one another, but ended up dragging each other down. We forgot, that we’re only supposed to walk hand in hand, together.

Maybe this time, you’re going to let go of me.

Maybe this time, i’ll let go of my grip.

Maybe this time, we’re going to be okay.

Maybe this time, it’s for the best.

just as i saw the light at the end of the line

I jumped out of the train

Taking me back farther away

I thought we had it good

But who’s fault is it,

if it ain’t mine.

i would write a million things about you
but it’ll always come back to this

i fought for the love you gave me, the love that I am not even sure existed
what we have is unlike another– and not always in a good way
i could go on and say it’s you and me against the world, but it’s not; it probably is me against the world, for you.
i would like to believe that it is also you against you, for me. although you lost a lot of times
we go together like coffee and sugar. not necessarily healthy, not necessarily necessary, but it is good. 
i have reasons to leave you, but i always find my heart back to you
it sounds romanticized, but it also sound like a toxic relationship
we fight hard, we fight harder than most people would find normal
but even then, we always find a way to forgive (maybe?) 
you are my sugar, my unnecessarily healthy, my unnecessarily necessary, my necessity. 
i hate how you make me feel, more often than not, but i also love the way you make me feel
you are my paradox, my yes and no, my why and why not, my strength and my downfall, my healer and my inflictor. 
you opened my eyes to things I couldn’t even imagine, good and bad (mostly bad haha). you make me see the world differently - you changed me for the better 
as a reminder, this is not a romantic story. 
i cannot change you, so must i replace you? 
or can you? 

weltenwellen:

“You can think you’ve run away from something. But actually, you’ve been carrying it with you the whole time.”

— The End of the F***ing World (2017– )